This is the content of a seminar I recently attended at the National Pastor's Conference in San Diego. The title of the seminar was "Answering the Tough Questions on Sexual Identity," an intriguing and controversial subject to say the least.
Andrew Marin, president and founder of the Marin Foundation, delivered the seminar. If you are interested in reading about him check out his website...
The Marin Foundation
or his blog...
Love is an Orientation

This blog is a collection of my notes on his seminar, in other words not my own material.

"I must confess that I am not afraid of the word tension. I have earnestly opposed violent tension my whole life, but there is a type of constructive, non-violent tension which is necessary for growth." Martin Luther King Jr. while in prison in Alabama.

Research now shows us that the average age when people first realize that they have an attraction for someone of the same-sex is around 13 years old, and that the average person "comes out" or declares their sexual orientation at around 15 years old. The question is who are they going to tell? Think back when you were 13, 14, or 15 years old, who did you trust? They are searching for something, and when you search for something, you will find an answer, but is it the right answer. If we ostracize those who are wrestling with these feelings of having an attraction to someone of the same-sex, then we are setting up an expectation for them to become what they are feeling.

Expectation Yields Integration... there is a difference between having a same-sex attraction and being homosexual. This comes in practice and how the attraction is dealt with. Everyone is looking for somewhere to belong and if you are wrestling with these feelings, then of course a community of people that offers acceptance not in spite of or in ignorance of your actions and feelings but BECAUSE of them of course you will become a part of that community.

What does that mean for the church?
What are we doing to peacefully and productively bridge this topic? Why can't a person struggling with their sexual identity find help and support in the church?
How will the GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Trans-sexual) community know that you are not, "like everyone else?" (homophobic, hateful, etc.)

The biggest thing to remember, ALWAYS, ALWAYS answer the tough questions whether biblical or otherwise. A GLBT is going to give one chance, one opportunity to prove that you are not like the other Christians they have met. You have one moment to show them grace and love. Don't blow it!

The following are the staple questions that a GLBT will ask a Christian about the topic of Homosexuality.
1) Was I born gay? (is there a gay gene, or is it a choice)
2) Is being gay a sin? (how does God feel about gay people)
3) Can I change my sexual orientation? (is there such a thing as ex-gay)
4) Am I going to hell? (implied in this is a condemnation of their lifestyle)
5) Can I be gay and Christian?

What do all of these questions have in common? They are all close-ended, yes or no answers. These are questions that one asks not because they are curious or want your deep opinion, they just want to know what side you're on. They want to measure you up as fast as possible.
Jesus was asked close-ended questions all the time. The gospels record 25 close-ended questions asked to Jesus. 15 times from his enemies (pharisees, etc.) and 10 times from his friends (apostles and the like). Yet he only gave a definitive yes or no answer three times (all of these times while he was on trial and had been asked several times).

Christ had a way of taking the question asked and turning the attention to the real issue at stake, he Elevated the Conversation. For example when the Pharisees asked Christ if it was lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, Christ produced a coin in the mouth of a fish to pay his taxes. He was saying let Caesar have his image on a piece of gold, I made the fish. When James' and John's mother asked if they would sit on his right and left side in his kingdom, Jesus turned the situation into a chance to explain the bitter cup that he was about to drink. When the woman at the well asked him who worshiped better Jews or Samaritans, Christ turned the conversation to what is in the heart, worshiping in spirit and truth. Over and over again Jesus changed the conversation, brought it higher and deeper than just a petty cerebral exercise about who was right and who was wrong, he got to the heart of the matter. Often he would even answer a question with a question to catch the asker off guard. Jesus = Change!

Here are some responses to the staple questions mentioned before. These are attempts at elevating the conversation, following Christ's example.
1) Was I born gay?
I don't care, why does it even matter.
Remember there is a big difference between validation and affirmation. Accepting that someone is gay is not saying that you affirm them in this lifestyle.

2) Is being gay a sin?
We are all on a level playing field.
Romans 3:23 - "For ALL have sinned..."
James 2:10 - If you are guilty of one sin then you are guilty of them all.
Matthew 7:1-2

3) Can I change my sexual orientation?
Whatever you do with this question, DO NOT give an opinion, simply state facts.
There are those who have become ex-gay, there are those who have tried and failed.

There is a continuum of change
Stage I - Secular to Spiritual - Secular GLBT - not even interested in change
Stage II - Non-Christian to Christian - Gay Christian - Faith without seeking to change lifestyle
Stage III - Actively Practicing to Celibate - Celibate gay
Stage IV - Gay to Straight - Ex-gay - in a Heterosexual relationship
And of course there are many space in-between

4) Am I going to Hell?
I am not God or the Holy Spirit, I am not your judge.

5) Can I be gay and Christian?
If by gay you mean having feelings for someone of the same-sex and by Christian you mean a forgiven follower of Jesus Christ, then you tell me, what's stopping you?

Remember that we are to be building bridges and not walls, Christ had a way of disarming landmines set before him and finding ways to be gracious and loving in the midst of spoken and unspoken hostility.

Seems like a great deal of notes from one seminar, but there was so much more that we could not even get into.